[22 F] my Mom [47 F] treats my boyfriend [26 M] like her boyfriend and takes advantage of his kindness.

Hi, I’m new to this sub and I think it might help me to talk about something thats been putting me off lately.

So my boyfriend is total mom-candy. He’s polite, good-looking but not threatening, educated, and most of all he’s foreign so he’s got a cute accent.

Since our relationship has gotten more serious my mom has grown to LOVE him. She always wants to hug him, touch his arm or shoulders, she talks about him all the time. She’s like a teenager the way she treats him!

She has also started to ask him for a lot of favors. She’ll ask him to go to the post office for her, help her in her store (She owns a small business), move heavy things from the basement, things like that. He even does the dishes for her pretty often. He never complains about helping my mom but but it seems like way too much for her to be asking him to do.

As often as she can she parades him around her friends. She took him to Bingo night, the community crab feed, her gym class, all to show him off and let her middle aged friends fawn over him! Her friends literally treat him like a piece of meat. it’s embarrassing.

I’m growing more and more uncomfortable with the way my mom treats him and I think she is taking advantage of the fact that he would never tell her no. I’ve asked my boyfriend what he thinks of all this and he says that he likes my mom and he doesn’t mind.

So if he isn’t bothered by it should I just let it go?

I can’t believe I’m jealous of my own mother right now.


**tl;dr**: My mom asks my boyfriend for too many favors, shows him off to her friends, and treats him like her boyfriend. I think it’s creepy, but boyfriend says he doesn’t mind. What can i do?

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15 thoughts on “[22 F] my Mom [47 F] treats my boyfriend [26 M] like her boyfriend and takes advantage of his kindness.

  1. PommeDeSang February 14, 2018 / 2:28 am

    Its not jealousy so much as your mother refusing to stay in her lane. So hash it out with your mother. Let her know she’s making you uncomfortable and needs to stop using your boyfriend as an errand boy/boy toy. Doesn’t matter why she’s doing it, she just need to back off and knock it off.

    Also – stop spending time together with her around. Serious go to his place, go out ad do something wtfever.

    Depending on BF’s culture he may not have it in him to be honest because he’s from a background with a lot of emphasis on parental “respect”

  2. MumTucker February 14, 2018 / 2:28 am

    You should talk about it with your mom. This doesnt sound good for you. You want it to change and you have that right. She should understand. This is about you not what she wants.

  3. earthgarden February 14, 2018 / 2:28 am

    >So if he isn’t bothered by it should I just let it go?

    No. YOU are bothered by it so you should not let it go. It is ok to set boundaries in your relationship. Your mother knows this, she is a grown ass woman. Kindly tell her to knock it off, because for one thing she is monopolizing time that could be spent with you. She took him to bingo, gym class, dinner?….ummmm yah that’s a bit much. Draw a line in the sand and put a stop to this. and what were you doing on those nights, why didn’t she take you, her actual child, and why was your boyfriend ok with going out with your mom instead of or with you??

    I don’t even understand how this even came up. My husband and I have been together 2 decades + and not once has he gone out anywhere with my mom. Not once have I gone out anywhere with his dad. He and my dad have got coffee together a few times especially at the beginning of our relationship, and me and my MIL have gone places together especially when the kids were small. But other than that rarely one-on-one time spent and never with the opposite sex. I would have been very creeped out and disturbed if my mother had done what you described, or the opposite if my FIL had tried to do that with me. You definitely are not wrong with how you feel and you need to put a stop to this. Ask your boyfriend how he would feel if his dad was essentially asking you out and parading you around with his friends treating you like a piece of meat, humph

  4. Forgotpasswordathome February 14, 2018 / 2:28 am

    Your mom is a creep. It’s really gross for someone to act on a crush they have on their **child’s** so. It’s also really gross for someone to act on a crush for a person 21 years their junior.

    I’m going to guess that this isn’t the first time your mother had crossed boundaries. Honestly I’d tell her to stop asking him to do things and I’d also stop bringing him around for her to creep on.

  5. mesophonie February 14, 2018 / 2:28 am

    She is crossing boundaries BIG time. You feel uncomfortable because it IS a weird uncomfortable situation to be in. Trust your gut. Tell her to cut it out, he’s your bf, not hers. Also, speak to your bf beforehand. Tell him that you want it to stop. He is probably going along with it because she is your mom and he is still trying to make a good impression. Also, since he doesnt hear any objections from you either. If you tell him it needs to stop because it makes you uncomfortable, if he cares about you he will. Because it is important to be respectful of your SO’s wishes. Your mom is lonely and is using your bf as a bf stand-in of her own.

  6. TherulerT February 14, 2018 / 2:28 am

    >I can’t believe I’m jealous of my own mother right now.

    You’re not. You’re not afraid your boyfriend is into your mother.

    What you’re feeling is a completely normal amount of cringe and disappointment at seeing someone behave like this.

    Your mother is being pathetic and creepy and if it were a 47 year old man doing this with a 26 year old girl people would be catching on waaay sooner.

    Taking him along to stuff without you is just unnecessary. You don’t have to bring up how weird it is, but make just start pumping the brakes (tell this to your boyfriend too) on anything where she’s just taking him along. Either invite yourself or say that he’s doing something else until she clears off a bit.

  7. IncredibleBulk2 February 14, 2018 / 2:28 am

    Are you sure jealousy is what you’re feeling? I’d be grossed out. Your SO may not mmake me, but you do, and at the very least they can respect your feelings.

  8. macimom February 14, 2018 / 2:28 am

    Yaaaa-thats not right. Its fine to chat with him and be friendly. Its fine to ask him to carry something heavy every once in a while.

    Its freaking weird to take him out on the town with her-why does he go?

    And asking him to run errands is just rude.

    This is pretty bizzare and I would establish some firm boundaries.

  9. Ryocchi February 14, 2018 / 2:28 am

    You need to talk to your mom and stand your ground.

  10. CanadianFemale February 14, 2018 / 2:28 am

    Gross. Not appropriate of your mom, she needs to find her own boyfriend.

  11. Yteburk February 14, 2018 / 2:28 am

    Read it only quickly but tbh her taking him to her gym class is not how it’s supposed to be

  12. Randomwords47 February 14, 2018 / 2:28 am

    Some of this is regular stuff. It is nice your family/mother is so keen and approving of him. You didn’t mention what your father thinks, so assuming he is not around it does mean it is less weird she might ask for his help carrying heavy things around.

    The really weird thing is the taking him with her to different events. I mean, how does that go, do you go too? Or is it just the two of them? If it is, that is super weird.

    Maybe try talking to her about it, in a light hearted way, when she is saying she wants to take him somewhere, say you have other plans, and remind her that he is your boyfriend and not hers after all or something.

  13. starshine1988 February 14, 2018 / 2:28 am

    Moving stuff and pitching in around the house sounds normal, even a trip to the post office isn’t that strange. But going to the gym and bingo without you is pretty weird. You do have a mom problem, but it also seems like you have a BF problem too – I think you should be able to tell your boyfriend that you’d prefer it if he didn’t spend time alone with your mom.

    Sounds like you asked him if he was comfortable with it, but didn’t communicate the fact that it makes you uncomfortable yourself.

  14. Strangeandweird February 14, 2018 / 2:28 am

    Girl, chances are your boyfriend is too polite to tell you that he does not like the situation. Being in a relationship means you deal with your parents while he deals with his. It’s your right to give your mother time, energy, attention and muscle power but why do you expect your boyfriend to act like her minion. Your boyfriend probably thinks you want him to be used as an accessory so speak up the next time.

  15. LOLsrslythooo February 14, 2018 / 2:28 am

    This sounds really cute and flattering. Kind of sad to see that this is considered a ‘problem’ when people are usually posting about the exact opposite, i.e their partners being abused by their parents.
    If it’s not bothering your boyfriend, who are you to ruin a good relationship between him and your mother? I think what needs to be addressed are your jealousy issues.

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