45 thoughts on “How do you make friends when you’re 24+ years old, besides going out to a bar?

  1. edgar__allan__bro February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Rec sports leagues, volunteering, hanging out with coworkers and their friends who you don’t work with, getting to know your neighbors… all kinds of things

  2. Lavvy7 February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    If you’re looking for attention buy a 70’s motorcycle and ride it around a small town. You’ll have 4,000 old dudes telling you how they had one when they were young.

  3. AngrySmapdi February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Co-workers. Every single one of my “active” friends today is a current or former co-worker that I kept in contact with after either of us kept or changed jobs.

    I’ve still got friends from high school that we talk now and then, but don’t often interact.

    Edit to say, two of the people I consider friends, and have hung out with socially multiple times are co-workers at a job I’ve been at less than 8 months.

    My biggest friends, the ones that I feel closest to, are current and former coworkers.

  4. sniperFLO February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    1. Go to event that you regularly attend (work, classes, gym) and find a time where participants are taking a break. If you do not have any such event, join one that appeals to your interests. Wait for time when you are physically next to someone who is not preoccupied

    2. Say hello to said person

    3. Extend hand for handshake

    4. Introduce self

    5. Ask icebreaker question pertaining to their personality

    6. Attempt to ascertain more about their personality through succeeding conversation threads

    7. Leave on good terms and reaffirm that both of you know each other’s names

    8. Repeat 5-7 every now and then to maintain familiarity

    Additional notes: make sure that you are not in a condition that would make it difficult for other people to remain near you (bad odor, hostile attitude, under the influence of some mind-altering substance)

  5. NormalDudes February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    I wouldn’t be here if I knew… 🙁

  6. ChickenXing February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Meetup.com

    Search for groups in your area with activities you enjoy. I’ve met great people that way

  7. Dom_24 February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Online, join local clubs or sporting teams, have a conversation with your neighbors, start running, go out, start participating in a hobby that lets you meet a lot of people.

  8. Slowjams February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Find a hobby!

    In my experience, the easiest way to meet new people as an adult is through a shared interest. It’s SO much easier to talk to a stranger when the conversation is about something other than the typical meet and greet. Obviously some hobbies are more social than others. You aren’t going to meet many people collecting stamps.

    Here are some of my suggestions:

    – Rock Climbing – Don’t be intimidated. Most cities have an indoor gym which will have routes for all skill levels. Additionally, the climbing community is very friendly and welcoming of new people. Don’t be surprised if people just start talking to you and offering you tips.

    – Board games – Check Facebook for board games nights in your area. Often times they meet at coffee shops or game stores. Much like climbing, they are usually very welcoming of new people. Score some bonus points if you have some of your own games to bring.

    – Bike riding – MTB or road, it doesn’t matter, whatever peaks your interest. Most cities have cycling and MTB clubs that have scheduled rides and social events. They will likely have rides for all skill levels, so don’t worry about having to keep up with the serious people. Super easy way to meet new people and stay in shape.

    – Food / Drink events – If you’re a “foodie”, check out what’s going on at your local restaurants and breweries. From tastings to brewery tours, there’s a lot of different options.

    – Local gamer groups – Are you a nerd at heart? It’s one thing to meet someone in a game and wish you could just have a beer and chat with them. Now you can! Check Facebook for gamer groups in your area. You can play some Overwatch or Pubg and then go laugh about it over some drinks later on.

    – Disc Golf – There are courses all over the place and it’s pretty cheap (depending on how much weed you smoke). Disc golfers are generally very friendly and happy to let you join in on their game, even if they don’t know you.

  9. Portarossa February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    The important thing isn’t just finding groups of people, it’s finding groups of people where your presence there means you’re expected to interact with them (and vice versa). Language learning classes are great for this, because it forces you to actually talk to people, and book groups are fun too (because you have a built-in topic of discussion).

    I’d recommend D&D, though. It’s astonishingly fun, the cost of entry is very low (you need some dice and a pencil, that’s about it), and it feels like there’s always a shortage of players — plus the faint ridiculousness of it makes it pretty easy to bond with people. Besides, who *doesn’t* want to be a High Elf rogue on the quiet? No one, that’s who.

  10. Sparklersstars February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Travel. Meet people and be fearless about talking to them. I met one of my favorite people in the world that way while on a trip to Scotland. You may never see them again, or you may become best friends- there’s a certain freedom in not knowing for sure, and there’s a thrill in meeting people outside of your element.

  11. butwhatsmyname February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Step one: **Increase your exposure to a larger number of people and potential friends**

    If you work in a job that brings you into contact with other people, make an effort to engage with more of them. Go to work social events, or even just attend more optional/voluntary work-related events. Even try and make eye contact and just smile at people in passing more often. If you struggle with feeling a bit isolated or shy, you’ll find that pushing past your comfort zone and making the effort will give you a greater feeling of inclusion if you are ready to brush off the times that you don’t get a response and appreciate the times that you do.

    Look for local groups that are centred around/involved in a hobby or activity that you enjoy. Go to those. If you don’t have any activities in your life other than working and TV then it’s time to pick one. It can be anything – a musical instrument, a craft, an art activity, a sport, a game. Pick anything that you don’t actively dislike. The worst that will happen is that you’ll realise you aren’t really into it, and that’s not so bad.

    Step Two: **Engage in interaction with people that you find interesting**

    You’re not going to make friends with everyone you meet, and nor should you. Even the happiest, most gregarious and outgoing person isn’t going to be a match for everyone they meet, and that’s fine. But when you do encounter someone who makes you think “Hey, this person seems kind of interesting” then you need to make the effort to talk to them and try and form a connection.

    If at this point you are crippled by feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt (“There’s no point, I’m too boring” / “I don’t have anything interesting to say about myself” / “nobody would want to be friends with me”) then *please seek help to fix that*. I really mean it. Start looking today, *right now* if you can. You’re reading this on a device that can access almost all the information in the world. Use it. Find a counsellor, get some therapy, even find a local support group. You cannot let this problem hold you back any longer.

    If that isn’t a problem, or is a problem that you are able to push through, then find a reason to talk to the interesting-looking person. Even if what you’re saying is “Hi. So I’m new here at this thing and I’m trying to make an effort and be a bit more social lately. You know how it is, trying to get out and spend less time in front of the TV. How long have you been coming here/doing this/some other relevant question”.

    Ask people questions about themselves in relation to the activity you’re doing or some other basic, universal thing. People are often quite happy to talk about themselves a bit with a little prompting, and you can get a feel for how much you like this person, how they talk about themselves, how they talk about others. Make sure at this point not to be negative about things, try and avoid comments about other people that are at all disparaging, even if all you’re talking about is the weather and the weather is terrible, try and put a positive spin on things. Talk about how great the weather was this time last year, for instance. Remember that condemning something and having someone else join in with you may feel good, but over time that kind of conversation erodes trust. If you’ll talk down about that dude over there for that thing he did, maybe you’ll talk down about *anyone*, and that’s not a comfortable position to be in for a new friend.

    Remember: if you’re a bit shy, but you’re pleasant and polite and you’re clearly making an effort, then anyone that you as an individual would want to form a healthy, mutually fulfilling friendship with *will not reject you or brush you off*. If someone is dismissive, unkind, or makes you feel uncomfortable then they are not somebody that you want to be friends with, and the interaction being over is a good thing, not a failure. You haven’t been rejected, you’ve just had a bad candidate rule themselves out of the application process.

    The other vital thing at this point is: Be kind. I swear to you, the quickest and easiest way to feel less self-conscious and self-critical is to stop being those same things toward other people. It doesn’t matter if you never *say* a critical thing – just thinking it can skew your view. Most of the time, a person’s attitude towards others roughly mirrors the way they expect to be judged themselves (except in cases of narcissism and so on, but that’s a fundamentally skewed world view). If your thinking isn’t fundamentally disordered then this is a useful thing to bear in mind.

    I mean that if you find yourself thinking “That dude’s pants are way too short” or “That girl’s shirt is a terrible match for her complexion” then accept that you thought that way and then forgive them or find something positive to say about them as well, or even something like “well, the shirt may not be a good colour on her, but I’ll bet she really likes it, and she probably feels good wearing it, and that’s pretty great”. If you’re angry because someone is standing in an inconsiderate place, try and remember that your ideas about what’s acceptable aren’t going to match up with everybody else’s, and just because someone is being a little thoughtless it doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. We’re all a little thoughtless sometimes.

    Step Three: **Building a friendship**

    So now you’re probably out of school / college / an environment of forced socialisation so you’re no longer going to end up being friends with people just because you have to sit with them in three classes a week. Friendships are no longer formed through sheer force of proximity and habit.

    You’ve had a first conversation with someone and you’ve enjoyed it. They seem like a good fit and you’d like to have another conversation. First make that clear to them. They may be standing there feeling like they’ve enjoyed talking to you, but aren’t sure if *you* feel the same. It can be as easy as saying “Hey, do you come to this thing every week?” Even a simple indicator that you are considering the future and their continued existence in it is a good start. Maybe one of you mentioned a TV show or movie that you both love, or that one of you hasn’t seen. Just saying “Hey, we should sit and watch that sometime, that would be an excellent opportunity for eating some snacks”. You don’t have to be best friends by the end of the day. If there’s a good chance you’ll see them again then you don’t have to rush.

    If it feels like it’s going well, saying something like “Hey, if you’re coming back to this thing next week, I’d love to hear your thoughts about [something you’ll be doing between now and then]”. I’ve had some success in the past with being really honest too – “Hey, I don’t really click with people all that often, but this has been really good. Do you feel like [hanging out next week / watching relevant movie / doing relevant thing / doing something that you want to do]?” I find a good excuse sometimes is “I’ve been wanting to [do the thing] for a while now but none of my friends are really that interested and it would be cool to have someone else to go with”

    Step Four: **Keep the momentum going**

    You’ve started meeting more people, making some new connections, you’re fostering new friendships, it’s all starting to happen. Keep it moving.

    If you’re invited to something and you’re kind of on the fence about going, just go. Just say yes. If you don’t really have any other plans and you’re not in danger of suffering any serious negative consequences of doing so, just go.

    The worst thing that will happen is that you don’t have a good time and that you find that your new friend isn’t really a great fit for you.

    That’s not really all that bad, and if it’s going to happen, it might as well happen sooner rather than later.

    Remember that it’s perfectly possible for something to be a total disaster but to still have a bunch of fun just riding it out with your new friend. Maybe the film is awful but you both have a lot of fun talking about why. Maybe the sports event is rained off and you both end up laughing about being covered in mud.

    Imagine the worst thing that could happen: maybe you throw up all over your new friend’s shoes because you ate a bad burrito. You make a terrible joke that you realise might have unintentionally sounded really inappropriate. You get lost and are 40 minutes late.

    Now ask yourself: what would someone that you want to be friends with do about that?

    Maybe they’d just wipe of their shoes and then get you some water and help you get home without you being alone and sick and humiliated.

    Maybe they’d accept your apology when you realised how bad the joke was and see that you honestly didn’t mean it that way.

    Maybe they’d realise that you were telling the truth about getting lost, understand that it was an honest mistake and that you’re really upset about having left them waiting, and appreciate that it can happen to anyone.

    If the worst happens, then a friend will be the person on your side. If they aren’t, then you have a clearer picture of what kind of friendship they can offer you.

    And the more events you go to, the more invitations you accept, the more people you’re going to meet. Keep going.

  12. JollyOldBogan February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    One thing i did was getting involved with local theatre companies and different university level productions.

    You don’t have to be an actor. There’s backstage work, Front of House, prop handling, Set construction, tech work (sound, lighting and FX) and a lot in between. If its something you enjoy or interested in doing have a look around to get your foot in the door.

    Not everyone is great in theatre, there are definitely bad eggs. But its the same wherever you go. I made some great friends and met my girlfriend of 5 years in it, so its a good opportunity.

  13. arubaito February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Join a language class. You’ll speak to people for practice, which often turns quickly into close friendships.

  14. chedeng February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Join a club. Meetup is a good platform to find people with the same interests. You can also try to volunteer for a cause or join an organization that does charitable work for the community. Rotary/Lions clubs come to mind

  15. e101 February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Ask a girl out on a date. You’ll be friends then.

  16. OpossumFeet February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    You don’t. People usually have kids or are still out at bars partying, or jail for some. Your best bet at that age is to pick up a hobby and join a local club for that hobby. Maybe you like mushroom hunting or woodworking or snowboarding or painting, find something you like then go hang with people who have the same interests as you. If you get bored switch hobbies, after a while you will have some new friends and skillz.
    Also, opossums have opposable hallux thumbs that aid in climbing and they don’t hibernate in the winter, that’s kind of cool.

  17. fellunb February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Latest one for me has been signing up for a dance class. People who sign up for a swing dance class are the kind of people who WANT to meet more people, generally. Plus dancing is fun.

  18. lizardscum February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Go to an open mic comedy night, no one there has friends.

  19. ShinySpaceTaco February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Get involved in a social hobby. It doesn’t have to be social in nature but but being able to group up with people who share interests will make it easier to meet people.

  20. Bicit February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Comic book store, playing DND.

    I made friends that got me into the gym and in great muscular shape. I hope they’re friends for life.

  21. Chairboy February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    My wife rebooted our social life. She joined a ‘bootcamp’ workout group that would go out at 4:30 AM or something to do running, pushups, etc. While there, she met a couple folks and they got along so one day she says ‘hey, my husband and I are gonna hike (the local butte) this weekend, wanna join us?’ So they did and brought their spouse. Then we made it a regular thing and occasionally add other folks. Eventually it grew into doing monthly themed dinners (Russian, Mexican, Macaroni & Cheese, deviled eggs, an ill-advised ‘Girl Scout Cookie Knock-off Compariso& Voting’ night, etc) and even a holiday party now.

    All because she invited someone to join us on a hike we weren’t actually planning until she said it.

    It’s been great.

  22. hazzzaa85 February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    This might not be popular, but try going to a modern church. I’m not sure how it is where you live, but the church I go to is full of single people around your age.

    It has been my experience that many (not all) of those people are genuinely friendly and not out to prove how spiritual they are.

    Good luck OP, pm me if you want a hand finding a good church near you.

  23. Father0Wesley February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    1. spot potential friend of your choosing
    2. approach potential friend
    3. immediately establish dominance by peeing on their left boot
    4. now that you own them, they will follow you anywhere

  24. Necroshade58 February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Not 24 yet but over time some people I work with have become some really good friends, also since I was into gaming I would go to LAN tournaments sometimes and I’ve met some of my best friends through them, some of which are 26+. Even if you’re not a gamer take a hobby you like and try to go to events or places where people share that passion for the hobby (sports join a recreational league, gaming go to tournaments, music going to concerts, etc.)

    If coworkers aren’t ideal and you don’t have many hobbies where its easy to find other people that do what you do, some friend apps/sites do exist, some are legitimate and you might get lucky!

    Best of luck finding friends!

  25. rondell_jones February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Go to grad school, specifically business school. For $120k you’ll make a ton of friends and your social calendar will be completely booked.

  26. inrecline February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    You don’t, you let the warm embrace of loneliness smother you while eating Chinese food in your bed, binge watching The Wire. Once you’re on that program for a while you will be so used to being alone the thought of meeting people will scare you. Thank me later!

  27. Mcompledepayas February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    You wanna meet interesting and kind people? Volunteer. Get involved in community outreach programs. Churches are a good place to start. Mine is always asking for more volunteers for various community programs. If you’re not religious you might try shelters or clinics.

  28. Iswallowedafly February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Find shit….and do that shit…and if there is one guy doing that shit who you might not normally connect with….connect with that person.

  29. TheWeebles February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Meetups(check out meetup.com, eventbrite, etc..)

    Pick up a sport or do community event like volunteering

    Meeting people at work is probably your best bet

  30. matterhornbobsleds February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    If you’re into geeky stuff in the slightest, there’s always conventions of all sorts

  31. lildoodle95 February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    The best way to make friends is a common struggle. eg. work, workouts, anything that sucks really

  32. comedic-meltdown February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Throw away your dignity (or what remains of it), and live in a share house. I moved in to one at 27, and met some of the greatest people I’ve ever met, and are now some of my closest friends. A lot were expats (Brits/Irish in NZ), and now I’m living in the UK after they were in NZ 3 years ago. It’s cool.

  33. a_n_h February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Ime you just lose friends from a certain age on.

  34. SeeYouOn16 February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Do you like golfing? Join a golf league.

    Do you like bowling? Join a bowling league.

    Do you like hiking? Find a hiking club.

    If you sit inside and play video games all day then you’re probably not going to have a lot of success meeting people. The friends you are seeking are outside doing stuff.

  35. Syscrush February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Join an online forum that relates to a hobby or interest, and then get out with local people IRL.

    My life has been significantly enriched by the people I’ve met via my passion for motorcycles and the bike-specific forums I’ve belonged to over the years.

  36. Megaross February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    All sorts of interest based clubs whether it’s sports, fitness, gaming (tabletop or video games), motorbikes/ cars, homebrewing, metal detecting, gun shooting, cake decorating – basically if a hobby exists for it there’s a local group for it usually.

    That and evening classes – I’m attending a cake decorating course soon partly because it interests me and partly to meet some hopefully single and available women. I know guys who study languages and have made friends through that and all sorts of stuff.

    Or you can start a band, I made a lot of friends being in a band. Or go to gigs even, being involved in the music scene generally comes with sociability.

    And work, I don’t personally but some people do socialise with work colleagues.

    If you have trouble getting on with people read “How to make friends and influence people” it’s the classic “one size fits all how to become better in social situations guidebook” and has been for decades.

  37. GamingIsMyCopilot February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Put yourself out there. Out where you may ask? Anywhere you feel semi-comfortable. Don’t be afraid of rejection, don’t be afraid if you fall flat the first couple of times. Don’t be afraid to be social.

    How are you, my name is Lit_Lizard, what do you like to do. Ask questions? Be curious, but not pushy. Find something you enjoy doing and chances are you’ll find other people who like doing it to.

    Video games
    Magic the Gathering
    Gun club
    Archery
    Hockey – Have made a lot of friends doing this
    Coding
    Cooking
    Gardening
    etc…

    Chances are you’ll find a group around your area that enjoys doing it. The hardest thing is allowing yourself to go to these events and strike up a conversation.
    “Lovely weather we’re having.”
    “First time here, any advice?”
    “I really didn’t know they had these group available, wish I knew about it earlier.”

    Not everyone you interact with is going to want to be your friend, someone might even be total douche-nozzles. That’s ok, you don’t have to be everyone’s friend. But getting out there will allow you to gradually meet people and enjoy their company. The rest will hopefully fall into place.

  38. buttery_shame_cave February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    dungeons and dragons!

    a lot of game shops host ‘adventurer’s league’ which is drop-in games. you might find some folks who are geeky and like to have fun.

    i mean, you might also find some self-righteous gatekeeper nerd assholes, but those guys are in the minority. if you do find those guys, move on to a new group and try again!

  39. kasenutty February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    When I turned 24+ I didn’t really want friends anymore.

  40. fitztml February 13, 2018 / 11:48 pm

    Find something you enjoy and join a group. I started rock climbing (indoor at a gym) in my 20’s and I started to work there teaching and coaching.
    I also started to knit around then too, plenty of knit meet-ups for what is mostly an individual thing.
    Go to your library and see what groups meet there. I feel going out and being in the same physical space as friends/peers is more important than people realize.

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