I (21F) broke up with my boyfriend (23M) of over 2 years, am I caring too much about how he’s taking it?

Hi! So, I just broke up with my boyfriend of over 2 years the other day. One of the biggest problems in our relationship was that I never got enough out of him, whether it was attention, affection, or support. I would ask for these things, and he would oblige, but not for long. At a certain point, I feel like I shouldn’t have to ask for those things. He was very insistent on making things better between us, but I can’t put myself in that position. I can’t wait any longer. I made the decision to leave for myself because I feel I deserve more.

I am notorious for getting over relationships quickly. I really feel that I did the best for myself and I don’t like to hold on to that negativity. I cherish the 2+ years I had with him more than anything, but at the same time, I’m excited to rediscover myself and the single life.

The problem is that our mutual friends have told me that he is not taking this well at all. Because I’ve cared for him so deeply, because I’ve loved him so hard, I feel terrible that I’ve just left him like that. I feel sad for him but happy for myself, in a way? I check up on him through mutual friends, and that’s all I can really do. But it gets to me. Should I really be this sad about him being sad? I just don’t know what caring TOO much in this situation is. And I feel like it’s still holding me back from the happiness that I wanted to explore from ending it with him.

TL;DR I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt I deserved more. I’m ready to move past it but the fact that he’s so upset about it makes me upset and I don’t know what to do.

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2 thoughts on “I (21F) broke up with my boyfriend (23M) of over 2 years, am I caring too much about how he’s taking it?

  1. NickDixon37 March 14, 2018 / 4:34 pm

    If it was your decision to break up, then it’s naturally going to be somewhat more difficult for him to deal with, as not having any control over a breakup is hard.

    And there’s also the possibility that while you logically know that you did the right thing for yourself, it doesn’t totally compensate for the loss of the relationship. Maybe hearing about his sadness brings out some sadness of your own. And maybe mourning for what you’ve lost a bit more than you expected is really OK. It probably doesn’t change anything when it comes to dealing with your ex, but it might help make you a little bit wiser, and more sensitive and more resilient.

  2. rabbityrabbits March 14, 2018 / 4:34 pm

    Stop checking up on him, and tell friends you don’t want to hear updates. He has people in his life he can lean on if he needs to. You are not one of those people anymore. So quit digging for info on him, and move on to your own happiness.

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