I [23/F] have never been as happy as I was with my ex [24/M], despite taking all appropriate steps in the past 2 years

My college relationship took up 1.5 years of my life, and also another 6ish months beforehand of being “best friends”, so that’s half my college career with him right there.

We were living together for a few months when we broke up and I was devastated after the loss. Got put on anti depressants, as he got a new girlfriend 2 weeks later and has happily been with her the past 2 years now. The relationship ended with a lot of emotional abuse from him to me.

Ive been dating someone new for coming up on 2 years now. I’ve done well in my career since graduating college- switched jobs a few times already. Moved a few times already. I’ve met so many new people and had so many new experiences. Traveled a lot.

But I am really honestly embarrassed to admit- I’m still not over my ex. I think back to certain times with him I had in college, before the relationship went south, and I still get a crushing feeling inside. Although I have experienced happiness after him, I have never experienced the optimal level of happiness I had with him.

I wonder, will I be doomed the rest of my life to feel this way? Is my current boyfriend just not “the one” for me? Should I be living somewhere else, doing something else? How can I really be so stuck on someone who doesn’t not care at all about me anymore? I don’t desire to get back together with my ex- And I think some of the reason why I miss that time was because I was so innocent back then. At 20, I didn’t know how badly I could be hurt, I didn’t know what it was like to be in a real relationship. Now I know these things, and so all successive relationships aren’t as fun because of it? I just don’t understand.

TLDR; sorry for this rant-tastic post but I am having the same issue again and again, and I’m about to snap:(

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2 thoughts on “I [23/F] have never been as happy as I was with my ex [24/M], despite taking all appropriate steps in the past 2 years

  1. adventuresininfpland February 14, 2018 / 7:00 am

    Are you doing what you really want to do, or what you feel like you’re supposed to do to live a happy life?

    Might be helpful to stop focusing on “I was so happy then” and “How do I get that back?” and more on “What do I want to do now?”. Maybe you won’t ever be as happy as you were back then again, but don’t let that get in your way of being as happy as you can now. You sound pretty apathetic about what’s going on currently, so work on that.

    > The relationship ended with a lot of emotional abuse from him to me.

    A pretty common component of emotional abuse is “no one else will ever love you like I do”. Any chance you’re internalizing this, and that’s contributing to the problem now?

  2. Mabelisms February 14, 2018 / 7:00 am

    Stop looking back. Start looking forward. What are the things in life you want that you think will fulfill you and make you feel awesome? Seek those things. He is in the past. Build your future.

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