Me [26F] with my roommates 27M & 27F. They will not leave me alone in the bathroom.

First of all I would like to emphasize first that I do not spend a long time in the bathroom (I take <8min showers) and we have 2.5 bathrooms.

Every time I go into the bathroom it seems all of a sudden somebody needs something from me or needs to ask me a question. I’m getting so fed up. In my family growing up we left each other alone in the bathroom. Nobody would try to talk to you or ask you a question. I hate when people yell to me through the door when I’m trying to poop! I’ll be in the common area for 3 hours but as soon as I go to the bathroom, *that’s* when everyone needs to know what I want for dinner.

I know there are people who pee with the door open and purposely go to the bathroom with their friends as a bonding experience or something, but I just don’t enjoy it. Every time they do this I say I’ll speak to you in a minute. I’ve said several times “don’t talk to me while I’m in the bathroom!” What do I need to do? This seems like a crazy thing to have to have a house meeting about but am I at that point? What would you do? Thanks!

**tl;dr**: Roommates won’t leave me alone in the bathroom. I feel like bringing it up would seem dramatic but it’s really bugging me. How would you address it? Thanks!

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53 thoughts on “Me [26F] with my roommates 27M & 27F. They will not leave me alone in the bathroom.

  1. feliscat February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    > “don’t talk to me while I’m in the bathroom!”

    then if they continue, ignore them until you are done, and when you come out

    > We talked about how I don’t want to talk to you when I’m in the bathroom. Why is this a problem for you?

  2. tuna_pi February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    I’d just ignore them until I got out. If you’ve already told them not to talk to you in the bathroom then respond anyway they may think you’re just kidding. Also there’s nothing wrong with having a house meeting about it, boundaries are boundaries for a reason.

  3. Abrikandilu February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am


  4. hawthornetree February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    This sounds like a variation on doorway questions when you leave work or an appointment (like you put your coat on at the end of the day, and suddenly your coworkers have involved questions for you).

    Train them that they don’t get satisfaction while you’re in the bathroom. “Hey, I’ll be five minutes, please let me poop in peace.” Predictable and not annoyed, but don’t yield.

  5. annatto_on_my_pannus February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Honest question: Do they think you’re using heroin or something? Do they have someone peeing in their shampoo or otherwise messing about with their toiletries and they think it’s you? Could it be possible they think you’re going in there for some oddball reason?

    Can’t even fucking imagine why anyone would do this.
    Pretend not to hear anything while you’re in there?

    Maybe just ignore them every time and when you come out you say, forcefully “I don’t answer questions through the bathroom door, just wait until I get out.”

  6. UnsureThrowaway975 February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    I mean, you can do like I do with my children, “Is it an emergency? Can it wait 10 minutes? Yes? Then why are you trying to talk to me through the door?” Usually this begs some self-reflection.

  7. helendestroy February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    I’d just stop responding when I’m in there.

  8. paleotossaway February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    “I’ll talk about it when I’m done. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
    Repeat ad nauseum.

  9. fistulatedcow February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Like others have said, just ignore them while you’re in the bathroom. Asking your roommates to not have a conversation with you while you’re taking a dump is a perfectly reasonable boundary to have. They can wait five goddamn minutes for you to come out.

  10. tabbycat4 February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Just start ignoring them.

  11. Kimgoesrawrrr February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    My mother did this to me constantly when I was a teenager and it gave me bathroom anxiety. If I ignored her she would just open the door and come in if I forgot to lock it and then would leave the door open while I was trying to go. Now, My fiance would always try to say something to me if I was in the bathroom and we had a conversation about how it bothers me so now he texts me instead if something comes up while I’m in there. I HATE it when people try to talk to me in the bathroom.

  12. ancon February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    “what do you want for dinner?”
    “Shit on a stick. I’m making the first batch right now!”

  13. CanadianFemale February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    start shitting in the living room so they can ask their questions there

  14. zylithi February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    I hate this! I think generally there’s two types of people in this world:

    1. Poopie peepers, and
    2. Non-poopie peepers.

    My wife is like this. Insists I shit with the door open in case she need to talk about something. Will just barge into the bathroom and drop a motherlode into the toilet if I’m in the shower. At least she allows me to close the door when I wipe my ass. And she thinks its hilarious that I’m “so overly sensitive.” I just want to shit in peace. And not be reminded of what the primary function of the thing an inch away from a vagina is. Fuck.

  15. AllRedditIDsAreUsed February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    I’m guessing they abruptly become aware of the time and of you when you move to the bathroom. I agree with the playing music idea. Maybe post a sign on the outside of the bathroom if you’re not too fussed about decor.

  16. blackswan11 February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    This may seem way out of left field but is there any chance they suspect you of being bulimic? I had an ED in high school (anorexia, not bulimia) and the same thing happened to me. It didn’t click in my mind until much later (and, again, since I wasn’t throwing up, I didn’t make the connection).

    Not saying you are bulimic, just that that was the first thing that popped into my head.

  17. joshfutterman February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Buy a sign saying “leave me alone im busy” and hang it up when you do poopie squats

  18. OvaltineDeathFantasy February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    I had a room mate that used to do this. Early on I established that I “couldn’t hear her” through the door and that ended that real quick. I’d either not respond or say “what??” enough times she’d give up and just wait.

  19. LeBronzeFlamez February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    I would just ignore them, then if I had time I would take 5 min longer, repeat that i dont want to be disturbed, and repeat.

  20. jumpcutfutures February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    “By the way if I’m in the bathroom and there’s something you want to say to me, save it for when I come out. I can’t hear you in there anyway and I won’t respond.”

    Then just never respond.

    When you come our you can try a vague “Did you want something? I can talk for a minute now. Wish you’d waited.” Never acknowledge them while you’re actually in there. Never ever acknowledge you heard what they said. Always make them repeat it.

    If they’re idiots they’ll shout louder but all you can do is repeat the steps above and maybe if you’re lucky, eventually they’ll realise how stupid they look shouting at a bathroom door.

  21. ahrehare February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    I wonder if it’s the same phenomenon that has had some people I know suddenly need to open a fridge to search for food when the power goes out. It’s like magic; power goes out, and all of a sudden the door gets flung open as they stare vacantly in for 5 minutes into something they never look at otherwise. It’s like “shit just got real” for them, but for an absolutely ridiculous situation.

    The key I’ve found is just to draw attention to how stupid the behaviour is. Ignore them while in the bathroom, and them come out and point out how ineffective it is to only ask a question during the very brief periods of time when you’ve said you wouldn’t answer. You can also try to model the preferred behaviour by purposely making up questions to begin to ask them as they head to the bathroom, and then say “sorry, I’ll ask you later” and walk away.

  22. SpaceAgeUnicorn February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    I have the exact opposite problem with my mom and my brother. There’s a door connecting my bedroom to the main bathroom that’s super easy to talk through and they really love to talk through it. I had to have a family meeting to let them but know that poop time is quiet time.

  23. hotcaulk February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    You can play that “sittin’ on tha toilet, un un, sittin on tha toilet, un un” video on your phone and sing along if you want to handle it with humor. PM if you don’t wanna Google that.

  24. Bagelest February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Forgive the forwardness of these questions, but I have to wonder:

    Do they suspect you’re bulimic?
    Are you?

  25. soapycoriandertaste February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Get a Bluetooth speaker or shower radio and put music on whenever you go in there.

  26. rhiea February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Play music loud enough to drown out conversation when you’re in the bathroom. Don’t give them the choice to interact with you

  27. aj4ever February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Blast music when you are in the bathroom and pretend you can’t hear. Or just tell me that you feel awkward talking from the bathroom

  28. sightingduh February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Play music while you’re in the bathroom. Then play it off like you couldn’t heard them.

  29. TheDevilsAardvark February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    That’s weird.

    I have children and I use the toliet alone. My trick is I just don’t answer them. I let them know I’m in there if they knock but otherwise ignore them and restate I’m in there.

  30. AaahhFakeMonsters February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    An ex bf’s sister used to do this to me when I’d go to the bathroom, and I have performance anxiety so I wouldn’t be able to go with her sitting outside talking. She wasn’t being malicious–but since she didn’t mind if someone did it to her, she didn’t think twice about doing it to someone else. I had to have a conversation and just say, “Hey, look, I know you’re okay with having conversations while going to the bathroom, but I’d rather just have a few minutes alone to go to the bathroom in peace. You can always text me while I’m in there if it’s important, or just yell that you need me and I’ll come find you after!” She laughed it off because it was not at all a big deal to her, but she stopped because she respected my boundaries.

  31. owenwilsonsdouble February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Back in my basic bro days, this is exactly the kind of prank we would all play on each other.

    Literally just ignore them when you’re in there. Say nothing. They’ll get bored and move on to the next thing, like getting their cop friend to give them police tape and buying chemical suits and fingerprint kits online, and pretending your house is a crime scene.

  32. MatildaImperatrix February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Some people do this with everyone and think it’s normal, and it might be a hard habit for them to break. I say just tell them clearly one more time that it bothers you, and then don’t respond while you are in the bathroom. I learned as a little kid that my mom would not reply to anything I said while she was in there, and I stopped bothering her as a result.

  33. IsabellaGalavant February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    I don’t get the “go to the bathroom together” thing, I hate that. A girl I was just becoming friends with decided to ghost me and even quit her job (we worked in the same office) because I refused to go into the bathroom with her when she “didn’t wnt to go alone”. We were at my house! My bathrooms aren’t any more dangerous than your bathrooms in your house! I don’t want to watch you pee, that is fucking weird!

    Is this something other people *do*, and *I’m* the weird one?!

  34. queenoreo February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    A) don’t ever have kids if you need alone time to poop.
    B) ignore your roommates. Play music, turn on the fan or something to make it so you can’t hear them. When you come out say “oh hey, were you trying to talk to me while I was in the bathroom?”

    Your roommates are super weird. Go away!!

  35. 248cat000dog February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    I’m jealous of where ever you work. How do you avoid the bathroom stall technical discussions?

  36. Dogsavestheworld February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    OP, maybe my advice is not the best, but I had college roommates and after being nice aka not getting anywhere I started to find that sometimes embarrassing people after you’ve asked politely is a great way to get them to back off.

    If it were me I’d get some recordings of really nasty farts on your phone and put that baby on blast when you go to the bathroom. Yell out, just … uh… oh god … gimmee a minute. Dammit, what did I EAT!!!! Oh GOD! Then start the fart noises. End by spraying the shit out of the bathroom with air freshner, to the point it makes their eyes water. Then walk out and keep talking about your wild time in the bathroom. Go into detail if you have to do so until they’re trying to get away from you.

    Trust me, it’ll stop that behavior really fast. You can also do fake outs where you disappear into your room, but close the door to the bathroom and then listen at the door while they shout to you. After they’ve done that for a few minutes, open your door, casually stroll by and ask, “Who the hell are you all talking to? Been smoking something?” Laugh and shake your head and move on by. Next time, reverse it – close your bedroom door loudly then sneak to the bathroom.

    I would probably make their life just unpleasant enough and treat it like a big old gag. And make them gag, because that’s obviously incredibly rude of them. When they poop or pee with the door open, shout “OH GOD, that stench!” And spray air freshener around the area, not straight at them where it sprays in their face, but enough to make the point. Hold your nose and giggle every time they try to talk to you.

    And find another place to live, because that is just bullshit. But you’ve talked to them, they continue to do it, so maybe it’s time to heavily discourage them from even wanting to approach a bathroom you’re in.

  37. Chuckitinbro February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    I would bring it up in a jokey but serious way.

  38. capilot February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Hang a “do not disturb sign” on the knob. And if they ignore it, you have my permission to go totally spare on them.

  39. anaovt February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Have a conversation with them about this at a separate time, when everyone is calm. That way maybe you might be able to get across the point that this really annoys you.

  40. Nycprodigy February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Just tell them that you have your headphones on when you’re in the bathroom and ignore them.

  41. super-mich February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    I have this with my 5yr old son. Its annoying as hell. Before i go in (for a bath mainly but i practice on shorter things like peeing too) i ask if he needs anything. Then If he bothers me when I’m I there i remind him not to talk to me when I’m in the bathroom. If he continues to chat or try to get in ignore him.

  42. Inmybelly98 February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Bring headphones to your poop sessions and a speaker for your showers. Why not listen to something you want to?

  43. mounas_gelitsa February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Slightly crumble a piece of toilet paper. Spread a good amount of Nutella on it. Lock yourself in the bathroom and wait. As soon as somebody is outside trying to talk to you, open the door and while pointing to the paper say “WHAT??? CAN’T YOU SEE I AM BUSY??”

  44. Apatheticforcredit February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Tell them to knock it off- the next time they invade your privacy, get an air horn, open the door, and blast them.

  45. AriBanana February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Make a cute sign for the door As a reminder. “Silence is golden , and so is my pee. When I am in here, please don’t talk to me :)” or whatever matches your tastes. Like a library shh sign, there are some cute vintage ones online.

    Goodluck. I too enjoy meditative bathroom time and would be getting annoyed.

  46. BNICEALWAYS February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Ignoring people is always an option. And it works, if you do it well.

  47. iam_potato February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Are these two a couple? The first thing that popped in my mind is that this is something sexual for them..

  48. iSoReddit February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    What would I do? Tell them not to bother me when I am in the bathroom.

  49. Ryocchi February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    Stop answering them when you’re in the bathroom, until they get the fucking message.

  50. forgetdeutsch February 13, 2018 / 3:18 am

    lol, this isnt a big deal just talk to em.

    I hate being spoken to while on the john and my old housemates used to do this all the time, I told them, we had a laugh about it. Aint no thing

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