My wife’s good friend has a husband who recently stopped drinking. He went to a brief rehab and is now 30 days sober or something like that.
My wife wants me to forgive and forget all the inappropriate things he did when he was drinking. More specifically, he spent a ton of time trying to get my wife in bed. He would say things to her and about her. He had friends who did the same. He would make serious propositions. He would also ask stupid favors that were sexual but also ridiculous.
I decided to avoid him a long time ago, at least 3 years ago, because of this. My wife chose to ignore it all or laugh it off to maintain her friendship with his wife. I avoided him for my mental health and also to keep from becoming violent with him.
For everyone, it was excused that he was a drunk. He did a lot of stupid things and it was all chalked up to that. He said things occasionally to other women, but my wife seemed to be the constant target. I think this is because she spoke to her friend, this guy’s wife, about a rough patch we had 5 years ago and her brief temptation to see another man. She didn’t do this but I believe it gave the wrong idea to him and his friends. His wife seems to have always thought that I am the problem, that I judge him unfairly and that if he’s after my wife it’s not his fault.
Now that this guy has been sober for a brief time, my wife wants me to bury the hatchet, start hanging out with him and pretend like it all never happened. First, I don’t want to. Second, I think he’ll be drunk again before long. I am not saying I want him to fail, but I assume he will and I am not ready to just forgive and forget.
Am I being unreasonable in assuming I should just keep avoiding him? Can I remain distant permanently even if he does pull it off? Or is there some point that passes when I should say, “okay he has changed” and then consider hanging out with them again?
This guy has been drunk so long I don’t even know what his sober personality is like. And I have trouble seeing ever sitting down with him and his enablers and pretending he hasn’t done all this shit for years.
**tl;dr**: My wife’s good friend has an alcoholic husband who spent years chasing my wife when he got drunk. I have avoided him for a long time for that reason. He is now sober for a time and supposedly has given up drinking for good. My wife wants me to forgive and forget.