I met my girlfriend in a bar in London when I was on vacation. We hit it off and decided to keep seeing each other through Skype and whatsapp, even though we’re a 10 hour flight apart and an 8 hour time difference. It hasn’t always been easy these 18 months, but things were going smoothly until the last couple.
I was back in London for a month in November and things were great. I spent a lot of time with her family and did my own thing when she was working and we went out when we could. We both had a wonderful time. However, since then, we’ve barely talked more than a couple hours a week. She’s bogged down with university and work, not to mention a demanding family. She is also depressed and on meds for it, but still spends a large portion of her time sleeping.
At first I thought it was the holidays and normal stress and hectic work, but I’ve mentioned to her several times that I want to be in a relationship more than 2 to 3 hours a week. And that’s at max. We’ve gone 3 weeks without skyping at all, with maybe a few texts during the week or a rushed 30min phone call.
She says her depression makes everything harder and obviously I believe it 100%. It’s an effort to be in a relationship, doubly so for long distance. But we we’re talking seriously about getting married in April. She was supposed to come here, marry me, and then we could start the process of visas and lawyers. Unfortunately she doesn’t have enough money for the trip. She’s a teacher — my family is a bunch of teachers, I understand. Now I’m going back to London and she doesn’t want to get married when I’m there because her family would never let her hear the end of it. She’s right, but that means now we might get married in the summer, in July/August. If she can afford the trip. She also refuses to take any money from me.
The main issue now is that I keep bugging her about needing more time with her. I am trying hard to understand her depression and not take the lack of communication personally, but it’s hard on me, too. I don’t want to end things. She doesn’t either. But we’re both reaching a breaking point. Me feeling like I’m in a relationship only one day a week and her feeling even more stressed with a needy boyfriend who dismisses her depression.
So any advice on how to deal with these things? Should i just shut up and be patient, while hoping for the best, because things are more difficult for her?
TL;DR: LDR in a rough patch because of stress, communication, time, and money. What needs to happen?