My [23F] ex [23M] broke up with me a little over a month ago completely out of the blue

So my ex and I were dating for two and a half years. Everything was fine; we never fought. Sure, there were small things that bothered me from time to time, but they were things I would bring up immediately and he would work to fix them. Other than that, no problems. No fighting, no irreconcilable differences or incompatibility.

We had been doing long distance for a little over a year and everything was fine. The last time we saw each other was the last weekend in January, and then a week later, he called me and said he needed to break up with me.

As you can probably imagine I was pretty taken aback. Still am. I wasn’t given much of an explanation for this breakup while it was happening. We talked for about 45 minutes but I don’t remember much of it because I was just crying and in shock. I just remember him saying he had a great time when we were together the weekend before, but when we were apart he started having doubts about our relationship. He still loved me and cared about me but he started noticing other girls. He mentioned how he thought about the fact that his dad’s first marriage ended in divorce, and my mom’s first marriage ended in divorce. I guess that’s because he and I talked about getting married one day and now he’s trying to say that he doesn’t want to make that decision if he’s not positive about it? At least that’s how I interpreted what he said.

I texted him with some questions the next day since I had been up all night thinking about it and still didn’t get many more answers. I asked if he thought our relationship was holding him back and he needed time on his own. He said I wasn’t holding him back but he needed to work on himself. I asked if he thought maybe we weren’t right for each other and maybe we needed to spend time apart to see if that was true or not. He said maybe a little bit. So he barely answered my questions and just said “this is what’s best” and “this is the right thing to do for now”. When I asked why, he said he thought I cared more about him than he did about me.

So I guess my question is, has anyone else been in a similar situation? Is this a “grass is greener” type situation? I’m truly having trouble grasping why he thought this was for the best but am trying to gain closure within myself since I know it’s not going to come from him. We haven’t talked since that day after the breakup and I plan to keep it that way so I can continue to heal. I’ve deleted him off of all social media except Facebook, but he can’t see any of my posts and I’ve logged out so that I don’t look at his profile. If he needs to contact me he knows where to find me. I have been doing slightly better but of course healing isn’t linear, and today and last night have been especially difficult for me for some reason.

TL;DR: boyfriend of over two years broke up with me out of the blue, barely giving me any reasons other than “this is for the best” and “having doubts” and “I cared more about him than he did about me”, and I think he might have “grass is greener” syndrome.

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4 thoughts on “My [23F] ex [23M] broke up with me a little over a month ago completely out of the blue

  1. vshzzd March 14, 2018 / 3:09 am

    First off, when I say “you’re young” I don’t mean it offensively, like your relationship is meaningless. I don’t think that’s true. But you *are* young, and people change a lot in short periods of time at your age. It sounds like he changed or grew or whatever in a way that isn’t compatible with a relationship with you, and he didn’t have the words (or maturity) to really explain it. Unfortunately you’re probably not going to get any answers, and he’s probably not going to come back around. Best to work on healing and moving on.

  2. nihilismMattersTmro March 14, 2018 / 3:09 am

    >has anyone else been in a similar situation

    yes, most of us. The late teen/early 20 something sweetheart that lasts until you’re both old or dead doesn’t exist anymore.

    In the last 25 years everyone’s dating options skyrocketed. Most people get in a relationship rut at about 6 months and eyes start wandering and they yank the rug out from under the other person (you in this case).

    It sucks ass and it hurts to be dumped. But take in a deep breath and look around your world. There are many people to enjoy on any level you would like.

    what reason from him would make you feel better? “I’ve been banging someone else for 2 months” “I want to bang this other girl” “I don’t like you anymore” all the reasons don’t matter. Dump HIM in your head and check out all your social circle has to offer

  3. laalaauritaa March 14, 2018 / 3:09 am

    I’m little bit older but this sounds pretty similar to what just happened to me.

    We were together for over two years. Before that on and off for another 2.

    o. It was LDR for only 3 months but plans had been made to move with me. But all I sudden, he was saying things like

    I feel like I might be making a mistake I still love and care about you I want to be friends I don’t feel good about myself and don’t want to put you through this

    And the when I was calling him out He said is that I don’t love you what you want to hear?

    Still trying to make sense of things sometimes. It gets better. hang in there.

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