My girlfriend and I have been living together for 3 years, because we both found a job in the same city, and as both of us had to move there anyway, we decided to move together. It has been wonderful, we really enjoy our time together, and we have had very few problems regarding living together.
I don’t really like what you would consider “usual Saturday night plans”: going to a club or a disco to drink and dance. I would rather watch a movie, play board games or just talk with my friends in somebody’s house. My girlfriend is not really into that, and she usually goes out with her friends (from work). This has never been an issue for me, we spend a lot of time together during the week, and I thought it wasn’t a problem for her either: she told me multiple times that she preferred this kind of relationship that the type where you’re doing everything together.
I want to be clear: even when I don’t have a plan, I don’t go out with her friends, it is not about choosing between my friends and hers. If I have nothing to do and she asks me if I want to come with her to a club, I decline. I’m introverted and I don’t like meeting new people, and I really struggle to make new friends and enjoy my time in those situations.
So, after almost 3 years of this, she told me last week that she was having doubts about our relationship. She told me that she enjoys our time together, but that she really wants me to go out with her friends and to socialize more. She didn’t ask me straight to change, because that wouldn’t have been fair, but she thought I had to know how she felt. I didn’t know what to do, so I asked my parents (they are no longer together, btw).
My mother told me that I’m just like my father (regarding going out and socializing) and that was the reason they broke up: because she felt alone and thought my father was being selfish. She told to make an effort for my girlfriend if I really wanted to stay with her, that there’s always one partner that loves the other more, and that I had to try to make her happy and enjoy doing so, because that is what relationships are about: making your loved one happy. I told her I was not sure about it, but she told me to at least try to see if it works out.
With this in mind, I talked with my girlfriend and I told her I would try to go out with her friends more, and she was really happy about it. It’s not 100% solved, but we were almost guaranteed to break up before that, and now it seems we’re fine.
The day after, I talked with my father, and he told me the exact opposite: that two people only have to be together if they both enjoy how the other person is, and that there’s no point in trying to force yourself into something you’re not, because it won’t last. Both my parents are remarried with other people, btw.
Now I don’t know what to do. I know they both have a point. I know you need to try to make your partner happy and that you can’t be self-centred all the time. I also know you need to be yourself and your partner need to be happy with that.
So, what should I do, reddit? Am I being selfish? Am I making a mistake by trying to change my behaviour for her?
**tl;dr**: My girlfriend wants me to hang out with her friends but I don’t enjoy it. Should I make an effort for her or trying to change is not the way to go?