My [27/F] sister [19/F] brings her baby [6wks/M] everywhere; she’s upset that bringing her baby to laser tag was a disaster

To begin, we have *all* offered my sister childcare. We’ve pooled our money to get her a sitter, we’ve offered to stay home and watch her son. We have done everything in our power, and she throws a fit each time and says we’re just trying to isolate her baby. I get it, new baby rabies is a total thing, but she has no limits. Even her boyfriend will offer to stay home with their baby, and she’ll *insist* it’s “child abuse” to leave a young baby home without it’s mother. And it’s not like we force her to come, either. We’ll say we’ll miss her, and she’ll be all, “Oh no, I’m coming!”

I got my tiny rant out of the way. My sister had a baby 6 weeks ago with her boyfriend of a year. They met at college, and they both go to school nearby enough that I see them often. Recently, a couple of family members about my same age were in town, and we all wanted to go play laser tag, as is family tradition. The place we go is loud, it’s in a mega-arcade. There’s kids running around, screaming, lots of bright light and flashing light. My boyfriend has a 2 year old daughter, and I would *not* bring her there, and I don’t think I’d bring any child of mine there until they’re at least 3-4. It’s just so much stimulus to me. Also, there’s no where to put your kid. At least one person would have to stay out to hold the baby, and we articulated this very plainly to my overenthusiastic sister, under *no* false assumption we’d be watching her baby. We told her about how loud and bright it would be, how there would be no where to leave her son. My mom offered to watch the baby. We offered to pay for a sitter. And she insisted. Almost immediately, it was overwhelming her baby and she was complaining about how bad the noise would be for his ears. She sat outside in her car, and only came back in when we texted her that we were going to start playing. She demanded that one of us hold her baby while she played, and when none of us obliged, she got upset and stormed out.

We all got a text later on saying that we don’t appreciate “the struggle of motherhood” enough, and that none of us care about her or her son. I’ve been in my boyfriend’s daughter’s life since she was a few months old, and she calls me her Mama and I call her my daughter. I think I know the struggle. When she was 9 months old, we went to play laser tag when family was in town, and she got left with a sitter. I don’t find any excuse for my sister, honestly. I get the age gap between 6 weeks and 9 months, but it’s the same principle. That baby couldn’t handle it, but she brought him anyways and has the audacity to be mad at us about it. It’s been this way ever since she had her baby. She brings him everywhere. It’s just so frustrating to me. How do I casually tell her to stop bringing her baby places? We have other stuff planned this week, and if she brings her son, I’m going to flip my lid. I don’t think there’s a lot of places she can bring a baby that young to- we’re going to the movies, museums, going skiing. But we’re happy to hang out with him at home. We just don’t want him freezing his little butt off on the slopes. Even when we express this to her, she still just brings him. How can we get the point across without freezing her or her son out? We don’t want to be the asshole family members that make him feel unloved and unwanted by family. We just don’t want him being dragged along to places he doesn’t need to be taken to.

TL;DR: My sister keeps bringing her baby to everything we do, even to our family laser tag. It made her mad that he was upset and we didn’t want to watch him instead of playing.

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78 thoughts on “My [27/F] sister [19/F] brings her baby [6wks/M] everywhere; she’s upset that bringing her baby to laser tag was a disaster

  1. tuna_pi February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Someone needs to actually sit your sister down and explain that she gave up the right to be a normal 19 year old when she went through with having her baby. She can’t have her cake and eat it too, if she wants to be with the baby all the time she has to accept that the first few months are going to be less interesting than it used to because babies that young can’t go everywhere. Her boyfriend needs to put his foot down too and be more firm about her either allowing someone to watch your nephew or not go to inappropriate venues because she could end up damaging his hearing or worse.

  2. AnorhiDemarche February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    I’ve been through a similar problem myself on your sister’s side of things. My friends and family were great about me not needing to go to anything and offering to babysit and all. But in my head, I had to keep up my old life and was a failure to myself if I didn’t, and also a failure to my baby if I left him at home.

    It’s something I had to work though myself, and it’s something your sister will have to as well. ‘specially seeing how she reacted, she’s not taking the advice and input from outside sources on this matter.

    Stick to your guns. If she brings the baby the baby is her responsibility unless otherwise planned and agreed upon. Don’t give attention to her tantrums. From now on I’d suggest not inviting her to events that are inappropriate for babies and just say “It’s inappropriate for babies so we couldn’t invite you” if she asks about it.

    She’ll work through these feelings… hopefully. And when she does she’ll be a totally normal mum capable of living a balanced life consisting of both motherhood and personal time.

  3. thumb_of_justice February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    There’s something really wrong with her not being willing to leave the baby with the baby’s father. That’s not babysitting, it’s parenting, and she should let him do it. He needs to bond with the baby.

    I think you should just invte her to things she can do with the baby. invite her to dinner and the museum. Ask if you can come over.

  4. SurfingDumbledore February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Stop inviting her out. Especially for baby unfriendly activities. Or actually any activities that you and your friends don’t want to have to deal with a baby. It’s ok to miss out on some acitivites. That’s what you sacrifice as a parent. Your sister needs to learn that.

  5. oneeyedman99 February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    She’s 19, and many/most 19 year olds still cannot be relied on to make mature decisions. Just don’t tell her about the laser tag, and absolutely don’t tell her about the skiing (museum might be OK). If she demands to know why she was left out, simply tell her that you respect her decision to stay with the baby 24/7, but you didn’t want to have it on your conscience to have a newborn out on the ski slopes. If she wants to rant about that, don’t try to explain or justify yourself, just let her rant, for however long she feels like ranting.

    Once it’s clear that she’s not invited to places where it’s not safe and appropriate to bring a baby, she will either need to accept that she can’t go those places, or leave the baby with dad or grandma or whoever. She won’t really have a choice.

  6. AllThatGlisters February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Yeah your sister is refusing to accept she cannot just drag her baby around as if he’s a decorative purse. He’s a *baby* and you shouldn’t bring them everywhere and anywhere. She’s acting like a bratty teen which, unfortunately, she is.

  7. Criticalfluffs February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    That’s pretty messed up little sis sounds to be completely unreasonable. OP and family members are trying to be accommodating but she still insists on bringing a new baby everywhere.

    Just because she’s a mom doesn’t mean she gets to hold it over everyone’s head and be demanding of people who are genuinely trying to be thoughtful of her new motherhood status.

    As a new mom, little sis needs to genuinely put the well-being of her child first. If it’s not a child friendly venue, either have dad (who has offered to watch the child) stay with the kiddo, or grandma or friend (all of which have have offered). If it’s not a child friendly venue, perhaps she should stay home.

  8. ohhellnawman February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    I have a 10 month old. Laser tag is the last thing on my mind with an infant that young. Poor baby.

  9. StarlitEscapades February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Your sister sounds so much like Debbie on Shameless it’s ridiculous. She needs to be told that these are not activities for an infant and while you all love him and spending time with him, to take him out in freezing weather for no damn reason or to museums and movies specifically for adults is irresponsible and inconsiderate to your family and other patrons. If you were going to a children’s museum or to see kid movies that would be different, but as it is, she needs to get a sitter or sit a few of these out.

  10. CykamorTre February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Leaving a child with a different carer for a couple of hours is not child abuse, but exposing it to all kerfuffle of laser tag – the poor thing. It would have been overwhelming for me let alone a six-week-baby.

    You need to sit her down and tell her to get it together. It must be awful being 19 and having your life change just like that but shit, she’s a mother now. A tiny human is dependant on her and will be for her entire life. She needs to realize that.

  11. neverforthefall February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    I understand not wanting to leave the baby with a sitter at home especially if they’re breastfed but then as a mother you have to make the decision to turn down outings. When you become a mother you have to realise there are times and places and activities you can’t bring your child to and therefore have to decline. If she is struggling to come to terms with that reality and struggling in general maybe it’s time to suggest she sees a counsellor

  12. Dashi90 February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Since you tried everything, the only way that’s gonna get through her thick skull is exclusion. “Oh, we were gonna invite you, but you have a baby to take care of. You’ve refused all our help, won’t leave the baby with the father, and quite frankly, we’re sick and tired of dealing with a noisy needy kid.”

    Repeat until she gets it/hires a sitter.

  13. Pretzeltwisty February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    She stopped being a child when she had one.

    Being a parent is not just parenting, loving and doting on your baby, but also about the balance of responsibility and sacrifice too.

    Nothing is impossible as a young parent. But right now, her sons needs come first. There are situations where it’s very very hard to do so (no judgement), but she had options. She has family. Baby has both parents. Both volunteered to watch him.. The bigger picture is realising she isn’t alone and to stop treating her situation as a “Woe is me no one cares for my freedom or child”. Like girllllll did you not hear all the people who volunteered a few hours for you to have fun? I get it. Young mum or old mum, the feels are real when your baby is so young and you want to have fun.. but no one was saying she couldn’t, she just had to decide whether it was better to stay with baby or be okay and honest with herself with accepting help just so she could have fun for a few hours.

    She will eventually learn not to feel guilty about leaving baby while she has time to have fun when it fits around the responsibilities of her being a parent, but being responsible is not just about the baby, but her and her relationship too. She can’t look after someone else if she also isn’t looking after herself. It’s important to remind her that nothing will ever be impossible with what’s happening in her life now, but to also be wary of herself, her partner and of course, baby, and to know to never be ashamed to ask for help. Neither of them should feel ashamed. That baby sounds like he’s very much loved and just has parents who haven’t found that balance yet of “family time & down time”. I hope she knows she’s lucky to have a family unit happy to help her and her little family out and I hope all goes well in future.

  14. aj4ever February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Six weeks old and she brought her to a laser tag place? What the hell.

  15. JabberwockyJurist February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    I’m surprised her pediatrician is down with that since it’s flu season (assuming you’re American). It’s never wise to bring such a young child to group activities so young until they can get a solid start on their vaccinations. I think that’s two or three months.

    It’s quite an adjustment. I don’t think ‘flipping your lid’ is going to work. She wants to be part of the family life, but at the same time, she’s a mom. It’s probably terrifying to think of leaving your six week old somewhere. This is her life now. Either get supportive or stop inviting her. I’m not sure how you get out of being the asshole family member, however.

  16. WheresMyBlanket_ February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    My 17yr niece is the same way. I have realize she likes the petty attention she gets from having a baby and from throwing a fit since she “has a baby” and can’t do everything we all do.

    well, shouldn’t have had unprotected sex you moron! (We all talked to her about save sex when we found out she was active) our family feels she purposely went and got knocked up for the attention part of it.

    You tried everything to help her. She refuses the help. You guys didn’t get pregnant. It not your responsibility to hold her child so she can have fun. The baby is her responsibility now. Sorry. Fun time is over for her since she refuses a sitter, staying at home, or having mom or baby daddy staying with the kid. Sucks to be her and be stubborn. You can’t have best of both worlds. Stubborn and baby with you 24/7 or fun.

  17. Brettyoke49 February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Sounds like she’s still way too immature to have a kid. Not a surprise, but somebody needs to sit her down and really hammer into her how things are now.

  18. newsunicorn February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Sounds like she might be overcompensating because she’s a teen mom and wants to show how “responsible” she is by always being with the baby, but not actually following through. I’d just not invite her to anything until the baby is old enough to bring along to whatever activity you’re doing.

  19. narvoxx February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Can you ask her why she thought someone was going to hold her baby, after you all made clear that you weren’t going to hold her baby even before you went? She had to choose between going to lasertag and leaving her baby in someone elses care for a few hours, or stay with her baby and not go to lasertag. In the end she choose staying with her baby, thank god, but why tag along just to make a scene? She knew what was going to happen. She’s in no position to ask someone else to make sacrifices for HER CHOICE to have a baby, especially not when you actually OFFERED solutions before hand.

  20. Raibean February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    You have to tell her she’s not allowed to bring him. There is no way around it.

  21. almamont February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Your sister needs to realize that she’s no longer a normal 19 year-old, and that like it or not, she has a child whose needs won’t align necessarily with what she wants to do. She made a choice to have that baby.

    Needless to say, that does not mean that she cannot have fun or join you, but she needs to recognize that bringing her baby around will only rain on everyone’s parade. Only she is responsible for her own happiness and enjoyment.

    So ignore her baby, ignore her tantrums. You’ve done enough offering to look after the kid and offering to find babysitters; in short, you owe her nothing. Whatever she’s dealing with she brought upon herself.

  22. onewaytojupiter February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Stop telling her you miss her, that way* she won’t scramble to come out. Be sure to go see her though. She sounds like she needs some guidance as to what normal parenting looks like, and not refuse to let her partner parent his child

  23. macimom February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Your baby isnt fully vaccinated and there is a super contagious killing flu going around. A good mother would leave her child at home so he doesnt catch something and become ill.

  24. thealrightdude February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Your family should probably bring them to a family doctor, pediatrician or even classes for new parents. Taking care of a kid is already hard but doing it at 19 is even more difficult. It’s good that you guys are offering help.

  25. SkippyBluestockings February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    As a 34 year old mom, I didn’t bring my two and a half month old to a tractor pull because of all the noise and my in-laws were upset because this was the first time they had seen him. It was right after my husband had gotten back from Afghanistan and everybody came to see him and the new baby. Well, great! Come and see your son who just got back from a war zone but don’t expect me to take a baby to a tractor pull. Sorry! They were all pretty miffed that I stayed at home. But that was their problem, not mine.

  26. ShadowbannedInDaUSA February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Another issue is vaccination. I can’t think of a single pediatrician who would endorse taking an infant to a place like a laser tag arcade. Those places are already germ factories, with the influenza B outbreak we’re having, they’re potentially lethal to your nephew. She’s crying abuse any time it’s suggested she leave her son at home with a caretaker? What she is doing is being reckless with her son’s health. (With some extremely negative consequences in play.)
    Source: married to board certified pediatrician

  27. Floricita February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    What kind of classes was did your sister attend before the birth? Are there any new parent type classes in your area that she could attend?

    You and your family have to stop enabling this craziness. The *baby* isn’t going to feel unloved because you set some boundaries with his mother.

  28. godrestsinreason February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    I don’t have much to add here that hasn’t already been said, but:

    >Even her boyfriend will offer to stay home with their baby, and she’ll insist it’s “child abuse” to leave a young baby home without it’s mother.

    Hoo boy this is a dangerous mindset, and I think the issue laid out here is just the beginning of a much larger issue. Girl’s a ticking time bomb.

  29. atomicpeaches February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    An old friend of mines teen cousin was like this too. She went to a bonfire at the beach during the night and took her two week old daughter with her. Sadly, the cold and whatever smoke inhalation the baby took ended up in disaster and she ended up dying a few days later because of it. (The girl ended up having another baby shortly after.). There are just some activities little babies have to sit out from for their safety.

  30. donnablonde February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Stop telling her where and when you’re doing things, unless they are suitable for a small baby to attend. She’ll be pissed but she’s pissed already.

  31. dragonstalking February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    your sister is just a dumb kid

    let her know that what she said was pretty immature and just ignore her

  32. DamnPurpleDress February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Can you call her doctors office and ask for a screening for PPD? I get wanting to be with your baby, but being unable to leave him in the safe and qualified care of the baby’s Dad, or your mother then there may be something deeper her. If you can the office, and tell the nurse/receptionist that you have concerns with how she is managing maybe the doctor can get her to open up, relax, and/or see if anything else might be going on. But – she’s also 19 and the FOMO is going to be real strong for a few years still. Just keep doing what you’re doing – “we’re doing X, it’s not ok to bring the baby, it can stay with Dad/Grandma/qualified sitter or you’ll have to stay home, we’d really like to hang out with you so if you can’t make it we’re going over for tea and cookies the next morning”

  33. tackymural February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    She’s a teenager who just went through a life-changing experience, and is probably still dealing with the hormonal fuckery from her pregnancy. It would be nice if becoming a parent made you instantly mature, but it doesn’t (no matter what your age, I see a lot of moms complaining on here that their 30 year old husbands won’t change diapers). The learning curve is extremely steep, and she is probably afraid of losing her entire social life *because she’s a teenager*.

    I would pay attention to the fact that she is afraid to leave the baby alone with anyone, including her partner. It’s somewhat normal for mothers to be afraid to leave their babies that early on, but if she’s making herself and everyone else miserable and won’t listen to reason, it could be a PPD thing.

  34. MurasakiYugata February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    I don’t really know how to handle the situation, but I just want to confirm that your sister is being ridiculous and that you and your family have done nothing wrong. In fact, you’ve been incredibly accommodating. Continue to refuse to give into your sister’s demands and tantrums and try to enjoy your family get-together regardless. Sorry you’re going through this.

  35. kcx092x February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    sounds like a child with a child. you guys ALL gave her an ‘out’ to avoid that situation, & she refused to take it.

    in my eyes, she got what she asked for.

  36. azoratheexplorer February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    At 19, it might be possible that she’s trying to over-compensate by seeming like such a great, self-sacrificing mom that she takes her baby everywhere and doesn’t ever leave them.

    She’s actually being irresponsible by doing this, though, and needs to realize that. At 6 weeks, a baby isn’t old enough to have had all the vaccines it needs to be safe in crowds. This is peak flu season and the first dose of the flu shot doesn’t come until at least 2 months old. Baby needs to be at home, away from big crowds.

  37. dinosaur_train February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    You seriously need to get her scared about the flu. Thousands of people are dropping dead and her baby is extremely vulnerable here. You need to get the baby’s father on your side with this one. However, the top comment is a pipe dream. You’re not going to convince a teenager that they are teenager.

  38. RogueKitteh February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    If it isn’t baby friendly, do not invite her. Period.

  39. duckvimes_ February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Wait, you mean the 19-year-old mother is making poor decisions?! Shocking.

    Just keep doing what you’re doing. She’ll figure it out eventually.

  40. R2cnt February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Is she always like this? Because there is something referred to as the ‘fourth trimester’ the first three months after birth, mothers can be a hormonal, crazy mess. Some have an intense need to have that baby close at all times. I did. I also was still crying over stupid tv commercials at six weeks postpartum.

    That said, we are in the middle of a horrific flu season where children are DYING from it. I’m not saying she needs to isolate herself and the baby, but she does need to find a balance. And maybe some common sense.

  41. HoldThisASec February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    This whole crew sounds like a nightmare to be around. Your lives are maybe **supposed** to be duller while you’re caring for and nurturing babies/toddlers…?

    Stay home for a year or two, live through the boredom, and do the right thing for your kid. It’s what most people do and, if I am being honest, how I think we begin to earn our stripes as parents.

  42. Merkin-Muffley February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    you can’t fix stupid. I’d just ignore her.

  43. ria1024 February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    So, keeping a six week old baby with their parents and not wanting to leave them with a babysitter is very normal. The first time I left my daughter was at 6 weeks, when my mother watched her for an hour and a half while my husband and I went out to dinner. Babies are also very portable at that age – they mostly eat, cuddle a parent, and sleep.

    On the other hand, part of being a parent is taking care of your child, and you will miss out on a lot of fun things because of that. It sounds like your sister just learned that the hard way; hopefully she’ll remember this and plan ahead in the future.

  44. practicallydeformed February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    When she throws around the child abuse term when you offer different solutions what do you or your family members say to her? Or when she texted you about not understanding motherhood how did you respond? Was she always this stubborn or was it just after she had her baby?

  45. wittyisland February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    It sounds like she might be suffering from a form of Post Partum Depression/Anxiety.

    I know it’s probably obnoxious to listen to her play martyr and get upset when people don’t cater to her, but it’s entirely possible she has some extreme anxiety leaving her child somewhere she can’t see the baby. What if something happened, what if the baby was hurt, what if her presence there kept it from happening? That sort of thought process. It’s less about not trusting others to watch the baby, and more about worrying so much it’s just easier to have baby with her.

    Or it could be what it shows on the surface, and you need to sit and talk to her about it for real. I wouldn’t be surprised as time went on (because she only had the baby six weeks ago!) that she’ll relax, as she feels more comfortable in her new role. Hell, even I have a hard time leaving my son with people sometimes and he’s almost a year and a half. I do suck it up and know nothing bad is going to happen, but it can take a lot to move past that sort of thinking.

  46. Kpofasho87 February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    As just having a kid I thought it was highly recommend against parading a young newborn that frequent anyways?

  47. missy070203 February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    I have 3 children. My oldest is about to be 15 and my youngest is 3 weeks.

    I was 17 when I had my oldest. I had her 2 weeks after I graduated high school and 4 weeks before I started college.

    Becoming a parent at a young age is a hard adjustment. All the friends you thought you had evaporate and the sudden loss of personal time and freedom coupled with wanting to be with your newborn is confusing and can sometimes feed or aggravate other post partum blues/anxiety/depression.

    Your sister still needs to be parented in a lot of ways while now be responsible for parenting a newborn.

    Someone in some place of “authority” needs to be firm with her. Whether it is her boyfriend and father of the baby or your parents/grandparents (someone she looks up to). It needs to be expressed to her that it’s ok to need or want some personal(me) time away from the baby. That it is not child abuse to leave a newborn with its capable father or other caregiver for short periods of time. That taking a newborn to inappropriate venues isn’t just a killjoy for her and other participants, but that it puts her baby a real risk. Especially during cold and
    Flu season. At 6 weeks this baby isn’t old enough for the first round of vaccines and is completely unprotected from an immunity prospective. She is needlessly exposing her infant to the flu, pertussis, infection, hearing damage, and other very dangerous situations.

    She may very well feel lonely (I know I Did, I felt lonely in rooms full of people). A life adjustment like that is hard, but she is not putting the needs and safety of her baby first by treating him like am accessory and then alienating her family support system with uneeded conflict.

    It might also be very helpful for your sister to find a new moms support group. Hindsight is 20/20, finding company of others in the same life stage as her can really help her state of mind and emotional well being. Her being able to be “her best self” will help her be able to make better decisions for herself and her child.

  48. OhMisterSun February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    >She brings him everywhere. It’s just so frustrating to me. How do I casually tell her to stop bringing her baby places?

    She shouldn’t be going out with a 6 week old, but it’s also far too young for her to have a sitter. Babies that young need to feed often and need their parent. That’s not baby rabies. That baby should not even be around a lot of people yet. She needs some sort of intervention, probably from CPS.

    In the meantime, maybe people can plan something that she CAN be involved in.

  49. RachyRachington February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Want to laser tag 6 weeks post partum? Fine get someone to watch the baby. Don’t want to leave the baby at 6 weeks (especially if breastfeeding) I totally get it. Just don’t go to laser tag and join in next year instead.
    I don’t think she realises the massive change in her life that’s just occurred, it literally shakes your world apart and forms something new. Me at 6 weeks I was still spending days in bed bleeding profusely and trying to figure out breastfeeding with a refluxy colicky baby. I could barely take a stroll down the street!

  50. MatildaImperatrix February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    I don’t think a six week old baby is supposed to be brought basically anywhere, right? Babies that young are supposed to stay home and not be exposed to germs because their immune systems aren’t developed yet! She needs to accept that the baby needs to stay home, which means she needs to stay with him, or she needs to let someone else stay with him.

  51. KermitTheGodFrog February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Jesus, a child at 19! That’s crazy, I honestly doubt I, or any of my mates, would be prepared for a child until we are 28+.

  52. JPSYCHC February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Bothers me to no end that someone this immature, literally, a child, has a baby. this might as well be a middle school couple; there’s really almost no difference. I just can’t believe this is considered acceptable in so many parts of our country.

    Your sister sounds like a totally irrational, illogical, spiteful, selfish, whatever, but I know that maybe its just the stress turning her into that.. but what i do know she is for a fact with or without overwhelming stress, is IMMATURE.

    I have my own experience with the stressors of motherhood giving my sister … quite the attitude, let’s say…. taking it out on us… being snobby, blaming us for her own stress… and she’s 32, so i understand that motherhood can cause people to act out.

    But your sister is extremely dumb and irresponsible for having a baby at such a young age, being so immature. Maybe there are 19 year olds out there who are ready for motherhood but she’s not, and your family is suffering the consequences. And so will that baby. (as he gets older he’s going to have an unstable home)

  53. OverEasyGoing February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    I’m admittedly a bit of a germ freak but a laser tag joint during flu season is probably the last place I’d take my 6 week old.

  54. diaperedwoman February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    The OPs sister is so lucky to have family who is willing to watch her kid for free or even pay for a sitter so she can still do the things she wants to do like having a baby changed nothing.

  55. CodeineAndCornflakes February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    “We all got a text saying we don’t understand “the struggle of Motherhood” ”

    …no, it is SHE that doesn’t understand the struggle of motherhood.
    Having a baby means you WILL be excluded from certain activities, due to- y’know, having a living, breathing, dependant human to care for! Your family have done more than enough. Sister needs to get a grip, and grow up. Dragging a 6wk baby to LazerTag so Mummy can have a turn?! Jeez 🙄

  56. Vic_McCrow February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Uhm, no. You have to sit her down and explain to her, a to z what it’s like having a baby, otherwise she’ll neglect the kid. If she doesn’t understand the basics like having to watch him and pass on activities like laser tag with a toddler, she got some missing info in her head storage.

  57. WalkingTaco42 February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    She isn’t being rational- until her sanity returns, all you can do is continue to offer her your support.

    If she goes to argue anything a simple “I disagree but that is all I care to say at this time”. Is all you want to contribute.

    Crazy is getting invested into an argument with someone who is highly irrational (technical term of “nuts”). You can’t win and you can only loose more, so take victory by not letting it wiggle you down. “Don’t feed the bear” “if you give a mouse a cookie” or whatever analogy fits – negative behavior isn’t going to last unless you give her a conflict to maintain

    She likely thinks fighting with you about her “mom rights” is all worth it because it validates her expectations that parenting is hard. Parenting IS hard, but not for the reasons she is manufacturing. At 6 weeks, parenting is EASY

  58. quite_vague February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    I think you’re 100% on-target about how unreasonable (or, ummm, insane) your sister is being here. I second all the other comments about needing to set clear boundaries and not bending over backwards to cater to your sisters’ unrealistic expectations.

    I will say this, though: The first few months as a parent can be a really difficult, isolating time. Your life as you know it is kind of gone. So… while taking a 6-week old to laser tag is **not** a good solution… one thing that might be really nice is if you made _your_ plans around _her_, not all of the time, but at least a little.

    I know you’ve been _very_ accommodating. But what I hear your sister saying is “I still want to do cool stuff.” Is there any cool stuff you can do _at your sister’s house_? If you have all these awesome family activities, maybe one of them could be, say, a board-game night? Watching a movie together? Something that would be specially geared for your sister, and let her stay right next to her baby?

    Again, your sister’s being pretty awful here, but if you’re looking for what _you_ can do to change things — having a few family outings she can’t really go to (or can, but feels like she’s abandoning her kid) will be a whole lot easier if there’s also stuff she _can_ do.

  59. Aribear February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Hi OP, I think you have some great responses from other people here to consider!

    I’d also like to add the possibility of Post Partum Anxiety (PPA). Most people only tall about Post Partum Depression so the anxiety might come as a surprise to people. Not sure if someone has mentioned this as a possibility yet.

    Usually mom’s with struggle with leaving their baby at all even with dad. It can manifest in different ways and I recommend doing some research on the subject and seeing if you can get your sister to go to her primary to get check out if it seems to be the case.

    Not saying it’s PPA for sure but it’s worth exploring just in case!

    Good luck!

  60. lovely_avocado February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    probably unpopular, but her baby is only six weeks? beside the father and close family, she isn’t crazy for not wanting a babysitter. heck, my kids never stayed without me until much much MUCH older because they refused a bottle.

    so maybe, be kind as you have been, and invite her, but make it clear your intentions. I may be reading wrong, but if y’all are offering to watch and such and she was just mad that no one would hold him a little while while she played, it does seem kinda silly. why wouldn’t someone who says they want to help out, help out then? she sees y’all wanna help, but doesn’t want to leave her baby, which is normal, and at this age warranted, but don’t tell her y’all got her back to help out then get mad when she asks for help.

  61. RoseGoldStreak February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    she can totally bring the baby to the museum, in fact that’s the only place you’ve mentioned that would work

  62. phoenix-corn February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    I will admit that when I read the title of this post, I imagined her playing laser tag with the baby strapped to her or in a sling. I am slightly disappointed that this did not occur (a screaming infant would no doubt give away her position in laser tag!)

  63. omnislash00 February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Everyone suggesting it is ok to bring a 6 week old to the movies is why I hate babies. Cause of idiot parents that bring them out.

  64. mahade February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    We judge ourselves by our intent, others by their actions.

    I think she means well. I also think you mean well. But both parties’ actions don’t line up to be qualified as “nice”. If you want to solve this issue you need to figure out what sort of action would work.

    She’s probably insecure about motherhood and overwhelmed by it. She doesn’t feel understood and she’s unsure what she’s doing.

    I’d sit her down in a comfortable place for her. Just her and someone she can relate to. Maybe her mother or another female figure who knows what it’s like; let’s call her Big Mom. A small setting: her, the baby, and Big Mom.

    Big Mom can start with complimenting her and her child. Big Mom would then carry the baby and only then request a cup of tea, or coffee, whatever. Your sister would have already given Big Mom the baby and will then leave the room to get it. That would be a first step for her to unconsciously make: leave the baby in caring arms.

    Then compliment her on the tea/coffee/whatever. She’ll now feel accomplished despite being away from the baby for a short while. Make sure Big Mom tells her how good the baby is.

    When a level of trust has been established, hand your sister back her baby or put it in a crib or something, and Big Mom can start to take an advisory role. Like:

    > Big Mom: “I’ve noticed the family struggles with TheBaby being present at all these occasions. How have you been feeling?”

    The blame starts with the family. Open-ended question. Hear your sister out. What she’s going to say is going to show how she’s experiencing all this. Regardless, continue:

    > Big Mom: “Do you respect my opinion on these matters?”

    If you get a “no”, ditch her. Call CPS, tell them the mother isn’t letting the father be part of the child’s life, make sure the father knows he’s a pushover, block her out of your lives, move on.

    If you get a “yes”, great!

    Then you tell her that any good mother would want:

    1. The father to be an actual father figure;
    2. The child to be grow up being self reliant;
    3. The mother capable of enjoying her life;
    4. The child not being subjected to high stress environments;
    5. The father feeling like a respected part of the family;
    6. The mother being capable of trusting her friends and family.

    None of these things are untrue. Get her to start off simple. Invite her + her partner over for dinner and tell them to leave the baby in the care of Big Mom. You can tell her she can call ONCE every hour to check in.

    And add more trusted family members and friends to the circle of baby-sitters as time moves on. And when you’re a few months further down the line she’ll probably trust professional baby sitting services, too.

    TL;DR: Different approach, gain her trust, she’s vulnerable, she’s unaware of her shortcomings, don’t attack her on it, help her with it.

  65. PlayedUOonBaja February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Maybe point out that with this terrible Flu going around she should keep her baby home as much as possible to avoid the chance the baby could catch it.

  66. WiscoCheeses February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    The museum isn’t a bad place for baby, maybe intentionally invite her and baby to that.

  67. bluenighthawk February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    For the first 3 months of a child’s life you really DON’T want to be bringing them anywhere anyway. Their immune system hasn’t built very well yet and it’s not safe for them to be out for a multitude of reasons.

  68. Computermaster February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    I’d honestly just stop inviting her to shit. If she thinks it’s **abuse** for anyone but the mother to be taking care of the baby, then clearly said mother shouldn’t be distracted by anything as *paltry* as food/movies/laser tag/etc. Let her stay at home where she can dedicate 110% of her attention to the baby.

    >To begin, we have all offered my sister childcare. We’ve pooled our money to get her a sitter, we’ve offered to stay home and watch her son… Even her boyfriend will offer to stay home with their baby

    And then she has the balls to throw a bitchfit when no one wants to watch him *at the place where everyone is having their fun?*

    >We don’t want to be the asshole family members that make him feel unloved and unwanted by family.

    He’s a baby right now. He’s not going to remember any of this. By the time he gains the ability to form long term memories, he’ll be old enough that he *can* be brought most of these places (maybe not skiing, but everything else here oughta be fine).

  69. iwasastegosaurus February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    It really sounds like your sister could have PPD symptoms. Plus being young and a first time mom, emotions run high. She may not be at the point where she trust anyone but herself with the baby.

  70. puppies6uui February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    I work at a daycare who starts taking children at 6 weeks. In my opinion, this is too young to even be around other kids in a controlled environment, much less at laser tag. This baby could catch all kinds of illnesses while mom is dragging him/her around. Even a cold could be deadly at this age.

    Edit: try to find someone with a baby around that age that she can have a playmate with to help her feel less alone. It sounds like this is PPD and if she talks to someone else in her situation, she might begin to understand that she’s being… Not-so-normal.

  71. Aboutthosdeez February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Your sister has that new mother syndrome or first child syndrome. It’s crazy annoying when it isn’t you and your child. My SIL is going through it right now and she thinks her baby and only her baby is the next Einstein and he could do all these non-baby things like snap but we all make fun of her for being so dumb. So what I’m saying is just stop inviting her like we do with my SIL because she annoying.

  72. Pooptruck5000 February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    6 weeks? Does the kid have any of his shots yet? Should he even be out in public like that?

  73. Dodorep February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    I think you are confusing the things.

    One thing is how she handles her baby, that is her decision only, and the way you are describing it is like you tried to totally overrule what she is comfortable with. 6 weeks is very young, it is jot to be compared with a nine month old. Most mothers in my culture would not stay away from such a tiny one for more than very short periods, if bit fit other things so for the breast feeding that still happens “all day around”. The three first months are a kind of symbiosis for mist. The irritation you might feel about this is your problem not hers.

    Then it is how she reacts to you all not supporting her. That might be over the top, but still, 6 weeks after birth people tend to be full of hormones and needed to he given some slack.

    And she is right, you are all ganging up on her, telling her how to behave and act. It does not really seems from what you are writing that she is entitled to have her wishes met and understood.

  74. wepwepwepwe February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    You know, I do sympathize with your sister at least somewhat. Babies do belong out in public. Maybe not at a laser tag arcade, but having a baby should not mean that you’re chained to the house, and being a baby should not mean that you never get to see the outside world.

    A baby can totally come to a museum. I’ve taken my baby to museums and she liked it a lot. A baby can come to a ski resort and see the snow – it’s a fascinating sensory experience for a little one. Generally, babies this age are highly portable.

    As for leaving the baby with the father – if she’s breastfeeding, that means she’ll need to limit any outing to about 2 hours (babies this young need to eat every 2 hours), or pump enough milk to leave with the father for a longer outing (and not every woman can pump milk). Also, if she’s away from the baby for longer than 2 hours, her breasts will get engorged, she’ll get soaked in milk, and she’ll need to express that milk to avoid pain. When my baby was about 4 weeks, I had to leave her for about 4 hours. It took me several days to prepare enough milk to leave with Daddy, and then I had to excuse myself in the middle of the outing to express some milk so that my breasts wouldn’t hurt.

    I think that a lot of the conventional rhetoric about “You’re a mother now, and that means your life is over!” can cause PPD (after all, who wouldn’t get depressed if their life is essentially over?) and unnecessary suffering. Motherhood doesn’t mean your life is over. Mothers can still have fun.

  75. WenisInFurs February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    Your sister’s in a weird place right now. She just pushed out a tiny human a few weeks ago and hormones will be RAGING for a while. It could be at least a few more months before she’s okay going ANYWHERE without her baby for even a couple of hours, and if she’s breastfeeding then I can’t say I blame her. Plus she’s still really young. When you’re 19 you wanna go everywhere and do everything and be social and involved, she doesn’t wanna miss out.

    Maybe make some plans with her for a few months down the line when the baby is a little older and she might be more receptive to having someone watch it for her. You can always have a talk with her explaining that you know where she’s coming from and appreciate her wanting to step out and still be involved but that there’s certain occasions and places that simply aren’t newborn appropriate, suggest some hangout spots that are so you can still go do stuff together and get quality time in.

  76. Japjer February 12, 2018 / 3:12 pm

    It sounds like she has PPD. You should encourage her to speak with some manner of a therapist.

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