Context: we met at my classmate’s birthday party one year and a half ago and he is her cousin. It was ‘love at first sight’ and he was smitten with me.
He made me promise things I understood in the moment, but ultimately later I was not completely agreeing to them so I broke some promises. Example: Don’t go into pools please because they are full of bacteria( true, I agree, but at that point I have been going with my family to pools since I was little, it was a habit ).
Lots of other promises that will make him look like a bad guy who tried to change me. Things started going downhill when, after like 9 months I went into a pool because my family insisted.
Since then I started broke other promises. Never cheated or stuff like that. His complaints:
-He tried to make me evolve into a better human. (My note is that he succeded on some parts, I was less lazy, got admitted into uni where I wanted, I got rit of my obsession with being present on social media) .
But he tells me he didn’t succed, that I didn’t evolve at all and I still don’t listen to him. I’ve done so so so so so many things for him and he is still not pleased. His main complaint is that we don’t have good communication.
-I don’t tell him my feelings, I’m more introverted and he is extroverted. I process things in my head then talk about them with him, and he gets angry when he asks me what happened and I don’t say anything, only to tell him what happened after half an hour because I finally realised what’s bothering me. That I don’t talk with him enough.
But let me tell you, he made me do so many changes I got kind of scared of him. He doesn’t feel like a lover anymore, but an authority I am scared of. Of course I am never being fully honest with him and not sharing my truest feelings. I know my truest feelings would make him sad. Like how he thinks I am this better human that gave up social media and dresses nicely but I still wish I could post stuff online and wear shorter skirts.
And thing is he doesn’t show me affection anymore, love. Just tells me he loves me. He’s not cheating, he is loyal. But has become cold, and he blames it on stress from uni and exams. HE tells me! that I need to be more seductive and stuff because we passed that stage in our relationship at the beginning where everything was happening easy.
So while not being affectionate at all, he is telling me constantly to change change change myself, arguing that it’s not him wanting to change my personality but my defects to become better. So that makes me think he will only show love if I change.
I have had a few days off from college to stay at home and learn day and night. Didn’t see him in those days. Not even once has he told me he misses me. It’s been a long time since he told me I am beautiful, or looking good. His reason: you already know that. Nope.
Yesterday we were talking on the phone about something and I said something like a stupid question about the subject, and he got pissed of by it and raised his voice a bit. I got very pissed at him not apologizing for getting angry for something stupid and speaking to me like that and he closed the call, didn’t call him and he closed his phone. Since that evening it’s afternoon a day later and he hasn’t called or anything.
He never apologises, I can count on my fingers how many times. I am always the one who ends up apologising because he makes me think it’s my fault a fight starts.
This is not looking good , is it?
**tl;dr**: My boyfriend asks me to change while not showing love, makes me think he doesn’t love me for what I am, but for what I can be, in his eyes. He is so proud he can’t even call me back after raising his voice for something stupid. Is this relationship doomed?